Cheese Daymare.

Allow me to preface by saying that, in jamming out this meaty and delicious post, I've realized that if a tree falls in the woods and no one's around to hear it but someone the tree works with might be around to hear about it falling later, it's still not allowed to fall in any manner that someone might find offensive or inappropriate. The tree's hands are tied. Or branches. Whatever. Fuck.

Alright. Moving on. So I guess I started a new job. That happened. It's been a very long time since I was stuck in a room with 15 strangers and been restricted by code of conduct from saying exactly what's on my mind at any given moment.

(This one time I did get locked inside my local with a bunch of strangers on luau night, which was cool until someone spiked the punch, then we all thought we were trapped on a desert island in an episodic freakout. There was a fat guy, some dude who used to be in a band, a guy in a wheelchair, and a hot chick. Some others too. We saw a polar bear, then more strangers, then some numbers, and season after season more confusing and weird shit happened and we never got any fucking anwers. But you don't want to hear about that, it's really not a very good story.)

Let me tell you, this self filtering thing is difficult. I've signed a contract that specifically states that three quarters of what I'm thinking at any time is illegal on some level, so you can probably tell what I worry about.

That's right, if any of them can read minds, I'm totally fucked.

Credit where it's due, my female is pretty sharp. She cut right to the heart of the problem before I had even started: "You have to play the game," She said, "You can't just rebel against everything." The first thing I thought was "Forget you woman, I do what I want." But just as I opened my mouth to tell her to go make me a sandwich I ticked over from denial to acceptance. damn those steps. So I'm behaving myself, but I also have no sandwich, This is some bullshit right here.

It's not all bad of course, I have this totally sweet security swipe card that operates doors from the future. I'm pretty excited about that. Also, ever had a cheese nightmare? No? Eat a whole block of cheese, right? Okay now go to sleep... Now that you're back, you probably know what I'm talking about. Good. Well I had a cheese sandwich on Thursday in my lunch break, then fell asleep briefly on one of the couches. Cheese daymare.

FREAKOUT!

Wait a second. Just wait one god damn fucking second.

Some chick just walked in the door and told me that she's moving nto the spare room. Her name is Alex. I've never seen this girl before in my life, how did this slip by me? I'll be back once I figure out what's going on.

Okay I'm back. She doesn't seem crazy. She listens to Deez Nuts? I don't know who they are,

FREAKOUT OVER.

What was I saying? Future doors. Cheese daymare. (Not really good, but certainly entertaining.) I've lost my train of thought. There was another thing.

Oh, they pay me.